My New Journal

Hey Bloggers!
It's me. Kristen Nikole! This is my new journal. I guess I have just been putting this off for a while and I finally decided to start journalling again. My Christmas was good. I got my new laptop, manicure, pedicure, clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry, socks, underwear, accessories, bath stuff, make up, the cutest tinkerbell blanket, flash drive, my cartilage pierced, a dance calender, new DVD player, movies, music, teen people magazine subscription, seventeen magazine subscription, and my grandma did this cute thing she tied a key to the end of a string and brought it in to me and had me follow it outside and outside was a bag and in that bag was a box and in the box was a small purple car and the card said right now you don't know how to drive and you don't get you license until march so when it is time to buy the real version of this car we will go shopping. It was so cool. The kind of car a really want is a purple or pink convertible VW Bug. or a pink or purple mustang convertible. but I know I won't get either. oh well!
So, there is this guy is name is colton. we are not dating. we are just friends but i like him... a lot. and he says he likes me a lot and all of his friends tell me he has never acted this way about a girl before. So that has to be a good thing. He dips and he drinks and I can't stand it. Only because I know people do stupid thinks when they are drunk plus he's underage I will drink when I'm ofage but not right now and dip is so gross any kind of tobacco or drugs are gross. I told him I wouldn't date him if he did either of them. He told me he stopped but how do I know if he is telling me the truth I mean I don't hang out with him 24/7. I am very cautious about guys. I have been hurt many times in the past and I don't want to be hurt again. All I want is guy that will treat me right, call me beautiful (& not just on the outside but on the inside too), & love me endlessly. He just might be that guy. The only thing is he scares me. Not him but the love that is possible. I guess I am scared of love. I seem how my parents are I mean yeah they say they love each other but they fight a lot and they don't agree all the time and they just seem so different. I always remember what my mom use to say she would say even if your dad and I wanted a divorce I wouldn't do it I would stay with him just so you kids would have a dad and a mom in the same household. So it always makes me think is she still with him only because of me and my little brother? I know I'm not my mom and colton isn't my dad so it won't happen like that but I have also not had the best relationship. In kindergarden I "dated" this guy dennis until 2nd grade then i switched schools. Then in like 4th grade I "dated" this guy brad for a little bit. Then I switched schools again. At both those ages you don't know what dating is. Then in 6th grade I had one good one that was with this guy joshua we dated for about 3 months and everything was wonderful. Until he broke up with me for no reason in the middle of the lunch room no less. And then met Dennis again and we dated for eight months. Then in seventh grade I dated Chris & Kelly(a guy) & Jordan. Then in eighth grade I dated Ian & Chris & Rohry. Then I switched schools. In ninth grade I dated Greg & Josh & Joe. Almost all of them were not healthy relationships. The only good relationship was Josh we dated for 3 months. Until he broke up with him in the middle of the lunch room for no reason. Then we started dating again like an hour later and then I broke up with him like a week later. We were wonderful together and I really don't know why we broke up. I dated joe from the middle of ninth grade until the beginning of tenth grade. His mom was over protective but he was the only guy i went farther than kissing with. We dated for nine months. He broke up with me after i told him we should take a break. He told me I was worthless and I needed him that I was nothing without him. Then I wasn't exactly dating this guy Jonathan, but we were basically dating without being called boyfriend girlfriend. Then he got fed up with it and we stopped talking then I started dating Adam. He was a great guy and I really liked him but after a month things were weird so I broke up with him. And that now brings me to colton. I mean we kiss, hug, hold hands, talk all the time, and like each other. But I told him that I didn't want a Boyfriend over the holidays. I have not been single for christmas since like 4th grade and I just wanted to have a carefree christmas. Well I had my carefree Christmas. But I am still unsure about what I want to do with Colton I really like him truly I do but I don't know.
Well Actually I have to tell you what happened. My best friend Kristin was dating Colton while I was dating Adam. They were keeping it a secret. Well he went to see me in my Christmas parade and brought her but paid more attention to me. He has liked me since the first day of school and i have like him too but we haven't said anything or acted on it. but anyways so he finally told me about her after like 4 days of us talking on the phone for like 3 hours or more (they had been dating for 3 days) then that weekend she had asked me if i liked him while we were hanging out and i told her i didn't know (why was a lie) I knew I liked him. So then she found out about our long conversations and she found out that I liked him and he liked me then I broke up with adam and without him know that I broke up with adam he broke up with kristin she threw a fit because i didn't tell her that i liked him and she said she was more hurt that i lied than the fact that he broke up with her or the fact that i liked him. so we are no longer best friends she is mad at me and i'm not mad at all i'm completely fine. So that's what happened.
Well I am going to head out Bloggers. Keep Checking back for more from Girl on the verge of a breakdown. BYE BLOGGERS!